He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
