she sounds like chewbacca in bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Of course I have a pirate flag
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
