Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
