You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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