Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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