I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
