The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
