I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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