Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize