I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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