You can't motorboat a personality
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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