Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
