I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
