chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
