I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
