Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
