I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
