Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
