Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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