Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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