wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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