I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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