Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize