I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
