i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
