oh god the rape fog is back!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said her name was "party"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
