Can Purell be used as lube?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
