She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
