stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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