Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think a kid would responsible me up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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