i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
