not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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