Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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