she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
