also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if only i could text you this smell
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The Olympian is in my bed
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