I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
