It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
