38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
