Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
