just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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