you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
