Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize