now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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