if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize