you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
