Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
