She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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