I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will pee on everything he values.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
