dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
