So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
