Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize