he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize