but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
