Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
