i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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