so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
