i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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