Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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