Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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