So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
