I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
