how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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