i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
