Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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