She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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