some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
