Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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