I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
