You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
