I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
