; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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