Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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