So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
