Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
