Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
