so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I supernannyed him into submission
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
