you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
