Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
