I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
