Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
