the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
