The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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