So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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