She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
