I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
