i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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