I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
