Where is the hickey?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
