At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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