im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
