Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize